January 16, 2013

You may remember psychologist Dr. John Gray, or at least you remember his book, Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus. He believes that nearly anyone can get what he/she wants if three elements are present. They are (1) Desire for more in our lives, (2) Confidence that we can get what we want, and (3) Appreciation for what we already have.

If any of these three elements is missing, we may achieve some external success but we won’t be happy. His reasoning is that if we lack strong desire, our lives will lack drive and passion. Without confidence, we won’t have the courage to persist. And if we can’t appreciate what we have, our achievements will feel hollow.

That’s easy enough to say, but how can we acquire these three? Here’s the formula:

Desire. Dr. Gray says if we don’t know what we desire, it may be because we’re afraid we won’t get it. When we experience disappointment or failure, we try telling ourselves that we didn’t really want what we thought we wanted. So what we should do is face the worst case scenario in advance. Once we have faced our negative feelings, they lose their power and our desires emerge.

Confidence. Take at least five minutes each morning to think about what we would like to have happen that day. Image the good feelings that will result from achievement.

Appreciation. Gratitude helps us enjoy life while we are in the process of getting what we want.

As we pay attention to the miracles already in our lives, we will experience more and more miracles.